I Drown

I drown. For Five minutes.

It was my sister’s wedding.

Well, she was not really my sister. She was my brother-in-law’s stepsister. I do not even know why I was supposed to be there, I had never met her before.

She had one of those swamp island locations that were all connected by bridges for her wedding venue.

They said I just walked right off one of the islands, instead of going across the bridge.

Robby set his pen down, and exhaled a frustrated sigh. It was the third sigh of the day, and the fourth day he had continued this pattern since my psychiatric meetings had begun.

I did not talk much. And he did not like that.

Robby was supposed to fix me, or whatever they called it. It was not like I was broken or anything.

They said I was pronounced dead within five minutes. It was a miracle that I woke up, and that I’m alive today. At least, that’s what they said.

The water was so deep… I remember the blackness, and the silence. I just kept sinking.

Robby was cool. He would start talking about himself, mostly to himself, after he got tired of me not talking. I said things, every once in a while. Not about me, though. I never liked to talk about me. I never liked to talk about that day. Or rivers. Or water in general.

I watched as the single fly in the room touched down to drink out of my water glass. Robby always got me a water glass. He waited until I sat down and got myself comfortable before getting up and getting it for me.

I think it was some sort of psychological test. I could have asked him, but I did not feel like it. I wanted to pick up the glass and chug it, and watch the ink in his pen fly off the page in amazement.

I was not afraid of it. I was just not thirsty. Why would I be afraid of water? That was just lame. It was over four months ago, I do not know why I was still required to go to these stupid sessions.

“You know, I think I had an Uncle that almost drowned once. He won’t go near water.”

You know, I think he is only a few years older than me. “Cool.” To be honest, I actually think we went to the same high school together.

“It’s perfectly okay to be afraid of things. Everyone has a phobia.”

“Whatever…”

Reaching my hand for the water, I swatted the fly away. I cleared my throat uncomfortably, and tried to change the subject. “So… How is life at home?”

“Alright, I suppose.” He leaned back in his seat, watching me, “If you’d like to be the psychiatrist for a while.”

The cold glass touched the pads of my fingers, and I jerked away from it.

Robby stared at me, clicking his pen open and closed. He was just waiting to write something down. “Something wrong?”

“No.” I stood up quickly. “Do you have a bathroom?”

He motioned to the only exit in the room. “Just outside.”

I was not going to run, but I could have.

They would probably drag me back here; tell me it was for my own good. I walked to the door quickly.

“Hurry back.” I just waved my hand behind me in response.

Exiting the not so clinical doctor’s office, I turned for the bathroom, and locked myself inside.

The water did not just bring a sense of sinking, or slipping, into the abyss. Pulling the towels from the dispenser, I began to shove them down the drain.

The water brought peace.

I turned the water on, and held my hair away from my face, waiting for the sink to fill up.

Only five inches were required. I used to have to cover my whole upper body, and then my whole head. But, now it was just my face.

I drowned. For five minutes.

After the water was done, I shut it off, and allowed my body to fall. It was like I was diving. Diving into peace and silence.

I drown. For five minutes.

Every day.

Until someone comes in and saves me.

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